Dear Senator Jones,

My neighbors dogs are always outside barking. I’ve confronted them and told them they need to keep their dogs in when they’re gone, but they told me they never hear their dogs barking. How do I resolve this issue?

Sincerely,

At the End of My Leash in Little Rock

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Dear At the End of My Leash,

Have you considered using an intercontinental tactical nuclear missile to annihilate the dogs? That’s your best bet for quickly resolving the problem.

Sincerely,

Senator Richard Jones

Dear Senator Jones,

My daughter is refusing to eat her supper. All she wants is desert. Desert, desert, desert! How do I get her back on track?

Sincerely,

Healthy Mom in Hot Springs

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Dear Healthy Mom,

Kids do best with a little encouragement. You should encourage her to eat her dinner or risk getting blown up by an intercontinental tactical bunker buster.

Sincerely,

Senator Richard Jones

Dear Senator Jones,

There’s a guy I work with that I really like, but he doesn’t know who I am. He’s super cute and smart and I think we’d be perfect together, but I don’t know what to do. What can I do to get him to pay attention to me?

Sincerely,

Shy in Fayetteville

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Dear Shy,

When people don’t pay attention to you, the best way to grab that attention is to suggest blowing things up with intercontinental tactical thermonuclear devices. Trust me, it works.

Sincerely,

Senator Richard Jones