She just got back from rehab. You don’t
celebrate that with margaritas.  Sometimes
when i’m at a cross roads in life,
i think about what i would want my life
-time movie to show what i did? 
So she is eating her margarita
with tortilla chips….
like using her chip as a spoon.  So I woke up
and found tortilla in my belly button.  You woke up,
pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..
took a drink and went back to sleep.
I’m not upset with you; I’m upset with Fox News.

— All the lines are from Texts from last night, I just added in some line breaks and added some punctuation.