Land O’ Lakes, FL—Expect massive changes in the climate as a large sinkhole in Florida swallowed the moon. Residents should stock up on canned goods, avoid drinking from the taps, and travel in armed caravans toward more solid ground. Sluggishness may be due to the increased gravitational pull of the Earth or from Lars von Trier’s Syndrome. While this is not a mandatory evacuation, safety cannot be guaranteed due to Disney’s declaration of martial law. Conspiracy theorists have their sights set on Epcot Center as the real cause for the moon incident. When confronted by Disney’s Mouseketeer Minutemen it is best to silently line up and wait patiently. Citizens under 42 inches tall are not allowed to ride in military vehicles.