Hogwarts Launches MOOC

hogwarts

“After the Second Wizarding War, enrollment and retention have not kept pace with pre-Voldemort levels,” said Headmistress McConagall

Hogsmeade, Scotland—In a move sure to shake up the wizarding world, Hogwarts will launch it’s first MOOC (massively open otherworldly course) this year. Headmistress, Minerva McConagall, said, “in the spirit of experimentation and outreach, we are offering Care of Magical Creatures to any who wish to further their education. There are beings around the globe who do not have access to magical education.”

After researching companies like FutureLearn and Coursera, faculty at Hogwarts decided to partner with former alum, Parvati Patil and support her startup Lavender. “Of course, we respect muggles and how they educate their own; however, most magical beings do not own an Internet,” said McConagall. “Though he’s gifted in computer science and charms, we weren’t convinced by Dr. Andrew Ng’s proposal. To quote Texas wizard, Sullivan Blood, ‘It’s all hat and no cattle’.”

Lavender, named for Patil’s roommate, who died in the Battle for Hogwarts, uses crystal balls and a pensieve to open the classroom beyond the walls of Hogwarts. In third-world wizarding countries, like the United States, Hogwart’s MOOC is sure to be a game changer. “Beyond reaching beings in other countries, my commitment to Lavender is inspired by the Second Wizarding War. If a third war was to break out, concerned students could take classes from the safety of their own homes,” said Patil. Initial funding for Lavender came from wizarding startup investors Ron and George Weasley. When asked about their decision, Ron replied, “We thought it was a joke.”

Will MOOCs change the landscape of magical education? Headmistress, Olympe Maxime, of Beauxbatons Academy of Magic could not be reached for comment, while the new Highmaster of the Durmstrang Institute stated: “We view MOOCs as being in line with our commitment to the Dark Arts. We are currently developing a teaching methodology based on the Imperius Curse. Our completion rates should outshine others.”

Back at Hogwarts, Rubeus Hagrid is pouring lessons into his pensieve. “Magical creatures are all around us,” he said, “Whether it’s how to heal a hippogriff or the proper way to raise razor-backed barn owls, these are skills everyone should know.” When asked why Hogwarts chose him to teach their first MOOC, he replied, “It takes a massive man to teach a massive course.”

2 Responses to “Hogwarts Launches MOOC”

Leave a Reply

  • (will not be published)